I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
