She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
