She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
