The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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