I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize