help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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