my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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