Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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