How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
