I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
