Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
