Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Randomize
