So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
