yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize