Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
