Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
