can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
