Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you had me at cake vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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