It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i drank out of a bidet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
