How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
