fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
