Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
