Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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