I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
