Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
