I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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