I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize