i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
