yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
