When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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