i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
