Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
