Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
