NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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