Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
