At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
