Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize