Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
