I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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