haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
