I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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