We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
