im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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