If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
