They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
