I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
