Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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