I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
