remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
