I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
