Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
