I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
