Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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