that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
