He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
