I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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