my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
