We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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