No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize