Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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