took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
