i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
