At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
