so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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