These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
