a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
