ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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