Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
