i would punch a child for taco bell
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
