We're facebook friends in real life
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
