The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
