What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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