I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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