do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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