how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
