remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
