You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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