If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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