Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
