DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
