I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
