hotel room ftw
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Couch. On fire.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
