absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
