I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
