Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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