i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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