I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she peed on how many people?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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