Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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