the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize