i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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