Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
