I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
