sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize