Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
