why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
