oh god the rape fog is back!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
