whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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