i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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