I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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