office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
