But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
