my vag is so smooth its legendary
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
