Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
