Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I sprained my soul last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I forget how to act sober
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
