Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
