so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
