Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
high people should be assigned attendants
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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