i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
