One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hippo gnu deer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
