so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
