is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
